Love That Lasts: Reigniting the Spark in Long-Term Relationships
By Leona Kashersky, PsyD
©️7/5/23
Maintaining the spark in a long-term relationship requires conscious effort and a willingness to adapt and grow together. As the initial honeymoon phase fades, couples often find themselves seeking ways to reignite the passion and excitement that once characterized their relationship. In this article, we will explore ten strategies supported by psychological research and personal experiences to help couples keep the spark alive in their long-term relationships.
Ask for something new every week:
Understanding each other's love languages and expressing our needs openly is essential for sustaining love and appreciation in a relationship. By making a game out of it and setting specific goals for the week, such as planning surprise dates or giving compliments, couples can create opportunities for their partner to learn how to make them feel loved and valued (Chapman, 2015).
2. Put your phone down:
In an age dominated by technology, it is crucial to prioritize quality time and presence in the relationship. Putting away phones during shared activities, such as meals or conversations, allows couples to connect on a deeper level and avoid distractions that can hinder intimacy and emotional connection (Roberts et al., 2014).
3. Make eye contact:
Intimacy and connection can be fostered through simple gestures such as making eye contact. Engaging in sustained eye contact during conversations signals attentiveness and creates a sense of connection between partners. Additionally, it stimulates the release of oxytocin, a hormone associated with bonding and emotional closeness (Kuhn et al., 2010).
4. Try something new together
Breaking out of routines and engaging in new experiences together injects excitement and novelty into the relationship. Whether it's exploring new hobbies, traveling to unfamiliar places, or taking up a joint project, the shared adventure can rekindle feelings of joy and admiration (Aron et al., 2000).
5. Spend time apart:
Balancing togetherness with individuality is vital for long-term relationship satisfaction. Taking time for personal interests, hobbies, or solo adventures not only allows partners to recharge and pursue their passions but also creates space for them to miss each other and appreciate the unique qualities they bring to the relationship (Pistole et al., 2019).
6. Start a conversation:
Engaging in meaningful conversations beyond daily responsibilities is crucial for fostering emotional connection and intimacy. Discussing aspirations, fears, dreams, and desires with genuine curiosity helps maintain a sense of adventure and shared purpose within the relationship (Gottman et al., 2006).
7. Kiss:
Physical affection, particularly passionate kissing, plays a significant role in keeping the spark alive. Kissing, beyond routine greetings or prelude to intimacy, can be spontaneous and meaningful, evoking the excitement and anticipation of early stages of the relationship (Floyd et al., 2009).
8. Make laughing together a top priority:
Humor and laughter strengthen the bond between partners and help them navigate through challenging times. Sharing funny moments, inside jokes, and lighthearted banter creates a positive atmosphere and deepens emotional connection (Cann et al., 2010).
9. Try to impress each other:
Continuing to make an effort to impress one another helps maintain a sense of attraction and admiration. Showing care in personal appearance, small gestures, and acts of love can reignite the passion and reaffirm the commitment to nurturing the relationship (Aron et al., 1997).
10. Make a change instead of hoping your partner will:
Rather than waiting for your partner to initiate change, lead by example and be proactive in showing love, affection, and appreciation. Taking the initiative to demonstrate your commitment and thoughtfulness can inspire your partner to reciprocate and contribute to the growth and vitality of the relationship (Murray et al., 2011).
Keeping the spark alive in a long-term relationship requires ongoing effort and a commitment to nurturing love and connection. By incorporating these strategies into your daily lives, you can reignite the passion, excitement, and intimacy that initially drew you together. Remember, every relationship is unique, and it's essential to adapt these strategies to suit your specific dynamics and preferences. With open communication, a willingness to try new things, and a shared dedication to keeping the spark alive, you and your partner can create a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship that continues to flourish over time.
References:
Aron, A., Norman, C. C., Aron, E. N., McKenna, C., & Heyman, R. E. (2000). Couples' shared participation in novel and arousing activities and experienced relationship quality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(2), 273–284.
Aron, A., Aron, E. N., Tudor, M., & Nelson, G. (1997). Close relationships as including other in the self. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 63(4), 596–612.
Cann, A., Calhoun, L. G., & Banks, J. S. (2010). Embarrassment and the experience of social flow. Journal of Research in Personality, 44(4), 686–691.
Chapman, G. D. (2015). The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. Northfield Publishing.
Floyd, K., Boren, J. P., Hannawa, A. F., Hesse, C., McEwan, B., & Veksler, A. E. (2009). Kissing in marital and cohabiting relationships: Effects on blood lipids, stress, and relationship satisfaction. Western Journal of Communication, 73(2), 113–133.
Gottman, J. M., Coan, J., Carrère, S., & Swanson, C. (2006). Predicting marital happiness and stability from newlywed interactions. Journal of Marriage and Family, 68(3), 817–834.
Kuhn, M., Niedenthal, P. M., Mermillod, M., & Strack, F. (2010). The influence of self-regulatory focus on the perception of others' emotions: First evidence for a moderation by promotion versus prevention focus. Cognition and Emotion, 24(1), 110–123.
Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., & Griffin, D. W. (2011). The benefits of positive illusions: Idealization and the construction of satisfaction in close relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 102(4), 733–754.
Pistole, M. C., Roberts, A., & Mosley, D. V. (2019). Relationship quality, communication, and coping during military deployment: A systematic review. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 45(4), 709–723.
Roberts, J. A., David, M. E., & Myrick, J. G. (2014). Consumer attachment styles, materialism, and compulsive buying. Journal of Retailing and Consumer Services, 21(5), 735–744.