Soul Crushing Reality of Unhealed Developmental Trauma

By Leona Kashersky, PsyD

©️7/19/23

Human connection plays a crucial role in our lives, shaping our sense of self, well-being, and overall mental health. However, for individuals living with unhealed developmental trauma, the very idea of forming and maintaining meaningful relationships can be daunting. Bessel Van Der Kolk, a renowned expert in the field of trauma, sheds light on the challenges faced by individuals with unhealed developmental trauma when it comes to risking human connections. This article explores Van Der Kolk's insights and research, providing an understanding of the complexities involved in this process.

1. Definition of Unhealed Developmental Trauma

Unhealed developmental trauma refers to the unresolved psychological wounds resulting from adverse experiences during childhood or adolescence. These experiences can include neglect, physical or emotional abuse, chronic stress, or the absence of secure attachments. According to Van Der Kolk (2014), such trauma disrupts the healthy development of brain structures responsible for emotional regulation, self-identity, and interpersonal relationships

2. Impact on the Ability to Form Human Connections

Individuals living with unhealed developmental trauma often encounter significant challenges in forming and maintaining healthy relationships. Van Der Kolk (2014) suggests that trauma can disrupt the individual's ability to trust others, resulting in hypervigilance, fear of abandonment, and difficulties with emotional regulation. These individuals may struggle with intimacy, experience chronic feelings of shame, or engage in self-sabotaging behaviors that prevent them from establishing meaningful connections.

3. Fear of Vulnerability and Rejection

One key barrier to risking human connections for those with unhealed developmental trauma is the fear of vulnerability and rejection. Van Der Kolk (2014) emphasizes that individuals with unresolved trauma often erect emotional barriers as a means of self-protection. They may be hesitant to open up or express their true emotions due to the fear of being hurt or invalidated. Consequently, these individuals may isolate themselves, avoiding social situations or sabotaging potential relationships.

4. Disrupted Attachment Patterns

Another significant challenge for individuals with unhealed developmental trauma is the disruption of attachment patterns. Van Der Kolk (2014) highlights that early trauma can impair the capacity to form secure attachments and engage in healthy, reciprocal relationships. The absence of a reliable caregiver during critical periods of development may lead to difficulties in establishing trust, feeling safe, and relying on others. As a result, individuals with unhealed developmental trauma may struggle to develop and maintain healthy interpersonal connections.

5. The Role of Therapy and Healing

Van Der Kolk (2014) underscores the importance of therapy and healing in addressing the challenges associated with unhealed developmental trauma. Approaches such as trauma-focused therapies (such as EMDR, Brainspotting and DBT), somatic experiencing, and neurofeedback have shown promising results in facilitating healing and promoting healthy relational capacities. By providing a safe and supportive environment, therapy can help individuals with unhealed developmental trauma develop resilience, repair disrupted attachment patterns, and overcome barriers to forming meaningful human connections.

Living with unhealed developmental trauma presents substantial challenges when it comes to risking human connections. Bessel Van Der Kolk's research illuminates the intricate dynamics involved in this process. Acknowledging the impact of trauma on attachment, trust, and vulnerability is vital in understanding the difficulties individuals face in forming and maintaining relationships. Through targeted therapeutic interventions, healing and the restoration of healthy relational capacities become possible, offering hope and the potential for meaningful connections despite past traumas.

References

Van Der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Penguin Books.